Thursday, October 8, 2009

This is my hard time.

I should say something here. That's the thought I've had for a few weeks. Well, I'm having significant personal struggles outside of my program. My son is having major issues adjusting. I breathe a deep sigh of relief every time I make it to class because just getting there is hard a lot of days. I'm so thankful, please don't get me wrong. But like Roethke says, "This is my hard time."

It's funny because even when things are outrageously difficult and I start to feel like maybe this thing is the thing that will be more than I can bear, I still stop and think (often lol), "I know there's a poem in this." It may come years from now, but it's definitely coming. And that is a sustaining hope.

So I still haven't reached the point of anything being more than I can bear, though I can't believe I'm still smiling, talking really loudly to people I love on the phone, milking my own corny jokes, and laughing from deep in my gut with my head thrown back and my mouth open wide. Either I'm magic or God is real (issues which are always up for contention in my world lol).

I really appreciate the love, support, understanding, and comraderie from all of you on the internet. You know how people say be nice because you could be entertaining angels or something like that. That's not what I'm saying lol. What I'm saying is that many of you don't realize you've been angels for me. Thank you.

5 comments:

margosita said...

"It's funny because even when things are outrageously difficult and I start to feel like maybe this thing is the thing that will be more than I can bear, I still stop and think (often lol), "I know there's a poem in this." It may come years from now, but it's definitely coming. And that is a sustaining hope."

Bingo!

There is a quote in the book "The Divine Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood" where one character says, "Life is short, but it is wide. This too, will pass." It has stuck with me for a while and I thought of it when I read your post.

I think there is more room in our lives than we realize. I hope you find just enough to get through this hard time!

JayTee said...

I really appreciate you sharing that quote, Margosita. It's perfect. Thanks!

Keith Wilson said...

I always think that about shitty situations too! "Hopefully there is a poem in this." There always is. But maybe I should change that statement to "Hopefully there is a GOOD poem in this." haha.

I forgot that you had a kid (something I'm sure you never forget. haha). It is people like you, who have to deal with everything I have to deal with, and more, and still manage to write poetry, that make it difficult to feel sorry for myself and skip out on something I need to do.

So thank you, too.

JayTee said...

That was nice, Keith. Thanks!

MonicaJBrown said...

I haven't visited your blog in awhile; I hope things are going better with your son.

"Either I'm magic or God is real" would make a great line for a poem.

Take care, and keep on keeping on,
Monica